My lovely evening...

First, I tried to talk about what was breaking my heart again but all I got from it was that I got to hear a vast amount of hateful things about the way I am before seeing them ending up getting angry with me;
Then, I went to Colin's to feed his cat but he had already come back (and of course, no-one had judged useful to let me know) and was in;
I came back home thinking that I would like to pop in to the studio where my boyfriend was having band practice but didn't do it in the end because I knew - like everyone else - this would probably have made him feel harassed and under pressure so I carried on, head down, and kept my heavy heart for myself;
Tidied up the cans everybody finds hard to throw in the bin once empty;
Cooked a dinner I am going to eat alone.

Why, despite so much willingness, do I inevitably end up excluded of every group of friends, every plan and project? Why are my kindness, generosity, devotion, sincerity never enough, never good for anyone? I'm devastated to find myself isolated and misunderstood again and don't see anything else to do tonight except remaining silent and ask at least permission to be sad, not to take the risk to upset the rare ones who still bear my existence around them...